


Captain Treville's Handbook of Rules that he Really Shouldn't Have to and Really Didn't Want to Write

by Elvesliketrees



Series: The Handbook [1]
Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Poor Treville, Rules, Treville is so done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-03-20 06:16:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 9,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3639909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elvesliketrees/pseuds/Elvesliketrees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Treville is done. Treville is so done. He's going to die in an early grave and the only thing that's going to be on his headstone is "Cat Herder". Maybe a rule book would help...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title says it all! I just wanted to do an itty bitty spoof that features rules that Treville wrote because of some of the adventures that his Musketeers (namely the Inseparables) had.

Captain Treville's  ~~Grown-Arse Men who Can't Seem to Act like Adults~~ Musketeer Rulebook

The rules in this handbook have been laid down in a very formal and legitimate way and are therefore to be followed. To the letter. Any breakers will be chased naked through the streets of Paris. By mounted men with sticks.

1\. Clothing must be worn at all times in the yard. 

2\. "Nude wrestling" is not an accepted for of hand-to-hand combat and is not to be practiced. 

3\. Riding one's horse around the yard nude proclaiming "Look I'm the Cardinal!" is inaccurate and therefore not acceptable. A red hat must be worn.

4\. Fire-starting training is not under any condition to be conducted anywhere near or around the stables. 

5\. Coating the recruits in oil and chasing them around with torches is not an acceptable form of evasion training. 

6\. Madame Angel's wares are not to be sent to Captain Treville because "he's looked tense as of late". 

7\. The garrison courtyard will not be used as an alternative meeting place for Madame Angel's wares and the regiment. 

8\. The blue cloak does not permit one to fly.

9\. One's pauldron is not an accepted weapon. 

10\. Aramis' hat is not a life-saving device to be used while drowning. 

11\. A "kissing-stall" is not an acceptable venue for fundraising. 

12\. Musketeers are not to be auctioned off as prizes for fundraising. Whether they had any knowledge of said auction previously does not matter. 

13\. Tossing recruits into a pit with a wild animal does not count as evasion training. 

14\. Captain Treville's virginity is not an acceptable bet in a game of cards. 

15\. Stealing the entire regiment's boots is not acceptable. 

16\. The roof is not an acceptable place to nap. 

17\. Mistletoe is not to be placed above the gate. 

18\. Standing on a horse and trying to ride it is not allowed. 

19\. The garrison is not to be rented out to third parties. 

20\. Serge's "special" drink is not to be distributed amongst the regiment and/or sold to unsuspecting citizens. 

21\. "Good Musketeer, Bad Musketeer, Seductive Musketeer, Psycho Musketeer" is not an acceptable form of interrogation.


	2. Ware me to Heaven (Rule 6)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Treville looks strees, the Inseparables are guilty, and it's Treville's b-day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here's the first tiny fic for the rules! Warning for some mild sexual content and nudity!

Treville sighed and poured himself a cup of the good brandy. He was officially forty, the Cardinal had decided to be more Machiavellian than usual, the king was fickle, and the regiment had decided it was a good idea to pick yet  _another_ fight with the Red Guards. His life could not be any worse. Literally. He didn't know how it could get any worse. He'd been shorter than usual with the men, and they were practically tiptoeing around the garrison. He heaved a sigh and got up out of his chair. He'd go to the tavern and get a nice dinner, then he would curl up in his room with the bottle of brandy and drink his troubles straight away. 

\---

d'Artagnan heaved a great sigh and pouted. Athos gave him the eyebrow and slowly put down his glass. "Trouble?" he drawled. The boy, though Athos would swear till he was blue in the face that he was a puppy, put his arms on the table and his head on his arms. 

"I wish we could help Captain Treville, he's been very tense lately," d'Artaganan sighed. 

"Come on and relax, my friend," Aramis countered, "The night is young, the women are beautiful, and we are at Madame Angel's!" 

"Yeah, but the pup's right, don't feel good havin' all this fun when the Captain's so troubled," Porthos sighed. 

"The Cardinal has been very scheming of late," Athos observed. 

"Maybe he just needs something to take his mind off of his troubles," d'Artagnan mused. 

"Wait, ain't it his birthday?" Porthos asked. 

"Maybe that's why he was so down, we forgot his birthday!" d'Artagnan chirped.

"What should we get him?" Aramis asked.

"I always get him a bottle of brandy," Athos mused.  

"We can't do that! He's had a bad week, and he needs a good present to cure it!" Aramis objected. 

"Fine, what would you propose?" Athos shot back. Aramis looked at a naked woman perched on the bar. 

"I always know what I want when I'm tense," Aramis purred. 

"The Captain is not you, that's a horrendous idea!" Athos gasped. 

"Oy now, it wasn't a bad idea, maybe that's just what he needs," Porthos objected. They then descended into an argument over who was the best girl in the establishment to send. Finally, wisdom came out of the mouths of babes. 

"We could send him four, since it's his birthday! We'll each pick one!" d'Artagnan proclaimed. Porthos barked a laugh and ruffled his hair. Athos needed more wine. 

\---

Treville should have known there was trouble when he saw the lights in his room. However, he had a brief mental breakdown and entered anyways. Four naked women were reclining on his bed. Oh God. Oh fuck. Oh no no no no no no no. 

"Happy birthday wishes from Athos, Porthos, d'Artagnan, and Aramis," one said lowly as she swayed towards him. 

"Madame Angel's wishes you the happiest birthday, may all your dreams come true," the fourth one purred. 

"And may you have a few minutes of heaven on this dreary day," the blonde one said. 

"Oh, they said you were tense, but this is bad, come on and let us make it better," a pretty brunette crooned. She rubbed his shoulders and led him towards the bed. He had to see the king in the morning. But the stretch in his pants didn't agree with him. He would kill them, murder them, but not before he made them  _pay_. His cock was pressing against his trousers. Please. Go away. Just go away. You can't be here right now. Please, just go away, I'll do anything. Just. Go. Away. I promise to fondle you later. Then, a brilliant idea flashed in his mind. Oh this was going to be embarrassing. Within five minutes, four women shuffled contritely down the stairs. Aramis looked on with big eyes from their hiding place. Belle, the brunette he'd picked, came up and patted him on the shoulder sympathetically. 

"You didn't tell me he had a condition," she whispered. Athos choked and Porthos cleared his throat, d'Artagnan looked like he might faint. 

"Maybe he was lying?" Aramis whispered hysterically. 

"Well, lying or no, he wants to see you. He looked pretty red-faced," she responded. She gave him a comforting squeeze and returned with her fellows to Madame Angel's. 

"Gentlemen," Treville purred from the balcony," My office, now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please feel free to drop a comment! Which rule's next?


	3. Meeting You (Rule 5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cornet is in charge of training three young recruits...it doesn't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Another chapter! Features pre-series Inseparables and Cornet! Thanks to my friend for recommending I do this one next!

Athos squinted at the sun as it mercilessly beat down upon his head. He looked to his left and right at the two recruits flanking him. He only came up to the shoulder of the one on his left, a dark-skinned young man who looked to be about his age at twenty-five summers. The man was clearly nervous, continuously looking about the garrison and watching every man training the yard. Perhaps he was just enthusiastic? The man on his right looked only slightly younger than he, with a wild mop of curls and bright eyes. He appeared to be drawing circles in the dirt as he fidgeted. Athos' head shot up as he heard someone clumping down the stairs. Treville came to a stop in front of them with a well-built man standing beside him. "Captain Cornet, meet your new students. This is Aramis, Athos, and Porthos. Gentlemen, you are to do exactly as Captain Cornet says when he says it. Cornet, try not to kill them, I have paperwork enough," Treville barked. Cornet gave him a clap on the back and the Captain went back to his office. Cornet handled the niceties, getting their names once more and discussing individual talents. Apparently, Aramis was quite a good shot and Porthos preferred a good fistfight to anything else. The grin the Captain was now wearing sent a shot of confusion into Athos' heart. 

"You lads know what we're gonna do first?" Cornet asked with a grin. 

"Swords?" Athos asked cautiously, Cornet shook his head. 

"Pistols?" Aramis asked with a small hint of pleading. Cornet scoffed and shook his head. 

"How to beat the stuffin' out of eachother?" Porthos asked. Cornet barked a laugh and shook his head. 

"First thing to learn is how to run from the enemy," Cornet said with a smile. Two musketeers brought a barrel of oil. Five minutes later, Aramis was whining about his hair. 

"Why do we have to do this again?" Aramis whined as Athos spread the oil through his hair. Doublets, shirt, trousers, and boots had been discarded in a pile. Aramis had already coated Athos in oil and Athos was just about done. Porthos was rubbing his chest throughtfully while one of Cornet's helpers, Francis, Athos thought, rubbed his back. Aramis mewled as Athos tugged a hand through his hair. 

"Oh come off it, it's not like you can see it, and I have a bucket in my rooms you can dunk your head in!" Athos scolded lightly. Finally, Aramis and Porthos were coated, and they stood in front of the three grinning Musketeers, a group of watchers gathered behind their teachers. Serge scoffed and walked back to his kitchen, muttering something about fire hazards. A Musketeer handed their three instructors torches. 

"Alright now lads, this is evasion training, best run!" Cornet thundered, laughing as he did it. Aramis bolted. Porthos looked around wildly for a weapon. Cornet himself advanced on Athos. Surely the Captain wouldn't allow this! The Captain! Making his decision, Athos ran hell-bent-for-leather towards the stairs. 

\---

Ah paperwork. Half-assed and half the time ignored. Treville sighed and dipped his overworked pen into the ink. Might as well torture himself sooner rather than later. Just then, glory hallelujah, boots pounded up the stairs. An emergency! 

\---

Athos burst into Treville's office and looked at the captain's shocked face. He could only imagine the picture he must look, a recruit covered in oil and half naked. Just then, Cornet crashed into the door, torch in hand. 

"Uh-uh, ain't gettin' away that easy!" Cornet laughed. Athos leapt forward and rolled across the desk, causing Treville to swear as his paperwork was covered in oil. Athos dove behind the Captain. 

"Captain, I must insist that this form of evasion training desist," Athos panted. 

"Cornet!" Treville barked, "How many times have I had to say it, this isn't evasion training!" Athos flung his arms around Treville in a panicked hug. "Alright now boy, no need to go coating me in this foul stuff!" Treville huffed. Athos blushed deeply and backed away. Cornet gave him a little bow in apology. Treville started roaring swears as the oiled desk ignited into flames with a  _fwoosh_. Some of the Musketeers could swear it sounded like "my paperwork". 

\---

Aramis' first instict was to bolt. It was a good idea, considering that this was evasion training. However, diving into a pile of hay at the side of the yard may not have been a good idea. Francis, his pursuer, instantly dove for him with a gleeful laugh. He seized Aramis by the ankle and dragged the flailing man out into the yard. Aramis kicked backwards, causing the Musketeer to drop the torch...into the now oiled hay. 

\---

The kitchen, the kitchen had lots and lots of knives. Porthos made a beeline for the kitchen. He skidded around the corner and instantly started throwing anything that was in reach at his chaser. A knife, a ladle, a turkey, bread, a boot, some spices, all were thrown at the laughing man. Serge was thundering something at them, but all was forgotten when Porthos threw a pot at the man and caused him to drop his torch. 

\---

A cringing Athos watched as Cornet and Treville beat at the inferno with their shirts. Unfortunately, the disrobed young man was basically naked and covered in a very flamable substance, so was of no help. Finally, an idea popped into the young former-Comte's head. Crashing out the door, he ran to the balcony. 

"Fire, fire, help!!" he howled. Then, he looked down at the yard. Flames were billowing out of the kitchen, Athos could see Serge standing off to the side with his head in his hands. The hay at one end of the yard was now a bonfire, with Musketeers beating at the flames. Finally, someone heard his plea. Porthos came thundering up the stairs with a very large bucket. He crashed into the room and flung it was all his might. Unfortunately, the only job it did was to soak the two Captains. Athos put his head in his hands. Finally, the four of them were able to beat out the flames (Porthos had graciously tossed Athos a wet shirt). The paperwork, the desk, a large chunk of the floor, a large patch of ceiling, the back window, Treville's dress-armor, the bookshelf, three wet shirts, and worst of all (to some) Cornet's evasion training method, were all beyond saving. Treville walked out onto his balcony to get some air, beheld the smoking hellhole that was his beloved garrison, and slowly lowered his head onto the railing, whimpering. Athos tentatively approached, Aramis and Porthos behind him. 

"Did-did we pass?" Aramis asked hopefully. Treville moaned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	4. Are These Your Underpants (Rule 21)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio has to pass their interrogation training...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, it's the rule that you've all been waiting for! Thanks so much for all the support, I am absolutely floored by the reception this fic has received! Question though, how attached is everyone to the idea of having d'Artagnan in this fic (he'll probably have an appearance at the end, but won't star). I liked the idea of this being pre-series, dealing with the boy's training and the ins and outs of their development. Either way, let me know what you think. Warning in this one for nudity and some minimal self-harm.

"So we're going to interrogate you?" Aramis asked with a slight wobble to his voice. Cornet sighed and rolled his eyes heavenward. 

"Now lad, don't look at me like that. It's part of training that you have to learn how to question criminals, and Captain Treville usually has me be the criminal," Cornet sighed. 

"But you are quite unbreakable," Athos mused. 

"Not unbreakable, now here's the rules. Ya can't bring me no harm, and ya can't do anythin' too bad to my head. Threats only, but don't worry, Captain says that you can be creative as you want! Now Porthos, be a good lad and tie me to the chair!" Cornet commanded. 

"Yes sir," Porthos grumped. They tied Cornet securely to the chair in the spare office and went outside. Captain Treville said that that they had to come up with a realistic situation and try to get Cornet to confess. Unfortunately, the man had a head made of rock and it was said that he had balls of steel. Considering that Cornet was the one who introduced Aramis to the wonderful world of Madame Angel's, the Musketeer recruit wasn't so sure. "How the 'ell are we gonna break 'im?" Porthos breathed. 

"Well, the Captain said that inconsistency is the best way to get a man to voice his thoughts," Athos mused. 

"So one of us has to be different than the others," Aramis said. 

"Or we could all three be different, add more confusion,"Athos supplied. 

"Aye, one could be bad, two could be good. Or two could be bad, one could be good," Porthos stated, "But we can't do anythin' to his head, and the inconsistency might upset 'im."

"He is not going to be upset by inconsistency Porthos, good God, do you remember the bear incident?" Athos demanded. 

"Yeah, right scared me that did, but we still can't do that to 'im!" Porthos cried.

"Then what would you suggest?" Athos demanded. 

"Wait! Captain Treville said it was alright to ask for help!" Aramis put in. 

"We can ask Jacques, he ain't doin' anythin' today," Porthos put in. Five minutes later, four tense young men were outside the door. 

"So I'm going to be good, Porthos is going to be bad, Aramis is going to be loony, and Athos is going to be...to be..." Jacques, a young Musketeer, tried to state. Athos clapped a hand over his mouth. 

"Do not say it!" he hissed, "You are all lucky that this training is required!" Aramis looked much too happy about the situation and Porthos shifted from foot to foot. Jacques swallowed and quietly padded into the room with a glass of wine. Cornet looked up in surprise. 

"Hi Captain, would you like some wine before we start?" he asked. 

"Don't call me Captain I'm an incredibly dangerous killer that'll rip your throat out before you can speak!" Cornet crooned. Jacques gulped and tossed the pair of braes on to the table. 

"You see my good man, the count was murdered. His wife was having an affair, and said lucky man left these braes at the scene of the crime. Now tell me so that things don't get scary, are these your braes?" Jacques said sweetly. Oh God they owed him for this. Cornet looked at him like he'd just grown breasts and proclaimed his undying love. 

"Lad, where are the three idiots?" he asked. 

"Outside sir, but we have a plan!" he said excitedly. Cornet raised an eyebrow. 

"Untie me so that we can sort out this mess," Cornet sighed. Jacques did as bid and was promptly tackled to the ground. 

"See, now this is why we don't untie killers, Porthos come in here and tie me back up, I just killed Jacques!" Cornet thundered. Porthos came in meekly as bid and tied Cornet to his chair. Porthos slammed his hands down on the desk, now this was more like it. 

"Are these your braes?" he thundered in a gravelly voice. 

"No," Cornet said petulantly. Porthos growled. 

"I'm gonna ask ya one more time, are these your braes?" he growled. Ah well, time to see what the lad was made of. Tears pooled in Cornet's eyes. 

"No, but-but I don't know why you're yellin' at me," he whimpered. 

"Because you are a hardened criminal!" Porthos thundered. 

"But I ain't and now you're bein' mean!" Cornet sobbed. Porthos' lower lip wobbled. Oh for God's sake. The big man left the room, sniffling. After about a minute, Athos came in, looking very uncomfortable. "Are you alright lad?" he asked. Athos cleared his throat and laid on the desk. That was new. 

"Just tell me if they are your braes, and then we can have some fun," Athos whispered lowly, unlacing a few inches of his shirt. Wait. What?! A no, no no no no no. Cornet had not taught them this! 

"Now lad, just lace up your shirt and we'll talk about what I have...I mean my braes...I mean..." Cornet sputtered. A finger on his lips hushed him. The next five minutes consisted of Athos desperately trying to be seductive while navigating the numerous straps of his uniform and Cornet wondering what codes Treville was going to scream at him for this time. When Athos' trousers and braes dropped to the floor, Cornet screamed bloody murder. Porthos and Aramis watched as a very nude and a very uncomfortable Athos shuffled out the door. 

"Did he confess?" Aramis asked hopefully. 

"No, just screamed that he liked women," Athos mumbled. Aramis sighed. Show time. Cornet cleared his throat as Aramis withdrew his knife. Finally, he based his training into someone's head. 

His father always said that hurting oneself was always scarier than hurting others. And with thought, Aramis held the knife to his thumb. 

Porthos and Athos, still nude, waited outside the door. That was until they heard the screaming. Porthos and Athos barged in, finding a whimpering Aramis clutching his thumb. 

"Why'd ya cut yourself?" Porthos asked in confusion. 

"I don't know!" Aramis wailed, "I need the infirmary!" 

"You are a child!" Athos murmured. 

"I wasn't the one who thought stripping in front of the captain was an appropriate interrogation tactic!" Aramis spat. 

"It was your idea!" Athos said incredulously. 

"And look where it got us!" Aramis cried, "Me wounded, you starkers, and Porthos all traumatized!" Suddenly, a timid knock sounded at the door. They all whirled around to see Captain Treville at the door with wide eyes. 

"Ummmmmm...." Treville said eloquently. 

"There is a perfectly plausible explanation for all this Jean," Cornet piped up from the chair. Treville whimpered. "And who's underwear is this?" he demanded. Aramis shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. 

"You wanna know how I got these scars?" he hissed. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and let me know which rule's coming up!


	5. Booty Call (Rule 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Athos is drunk and makes a sort of bad decision...and also a smidgen of Richelieu/Treville!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here's an update:) Enjoy!

"Um Athos, that's allot of wine," Aramis said cautiously, looking down at the five bottles. It wasn't even dark out yet, and yet the man was drinking like a horse! 

"Don' know whatcha mean," he slurred. 

"Alright lad, you've 'ad enough, time ta go home," Cornet rumbled. He put Athos' arm around his shoulder and hauled him up. They would have made a clean break, if it hadn't been for the Red Guards. 

"Aw look, its the Musketeers," one cooed. Cornet gave a growl, and Athos was so drunk that he gave them a grin. 

"Your Captain done fucking the Cardinal yet?" the second sneered as Porthos cracked his knuckles menacingly. 

"Our Captain is a honest man and works against your employer's evil intentions! We all exhibit a healthy loathing of the cardinal, as Musketeers have for generations!" Aramis retaliated. 

"Bullocks!" the first crowed. 

"We'll prove it!" Athos slurred. The Red Guards looked at him incredulously and Cornet raised an eyebrow. 

"You 'eard him, we'll prove it!" Cornet crowed. Ten minutes later, Aramis was vigorously fucking his life. Porthos had wide eyes and Cornet had his head in his hands. 

"Look, I'm the Cardinal!" Athos crowed. Poor Roger was distinctly uncomfortable as he trotted around the garrison, Athos was drunk enough not to be able to put on the saddle. The man was also drunk enough to take off his trousers...and all the rest of his garments. The Red Guards were in a glaring huddle in a corner of the garrison, one having run off early on in their escapade. Treville was looking down from the balcony in what seemed amusement. Then, the reinforcements showed up. Before they knew it, they were standing in front of the throne, nervously waiting for the king. The Red Guard that had tattled had not even allowed Athos his trousers, though he guessed the nakedness could be counted as evidence. With a sigh, Aramis took of his hat and sacrificed it to the cause, as did Porthos. Athos held them to his front and buttocks. He seemed less drunk now, as Treville seemed less amused. The Cardinal swished into the room, almost purple-faced. They were all subjected to a thirty minute lecture on Musketeers and drunkenness and debauchery and disrespect for the clergy. Aramis was quite impressed. When all was said and done, the king looked as if he was desperately trying not to laugh. 

"And what have you to say for yourself?" the king asked. 

"Shoulda worn a red hat," Athos mumbled. Treville shot him a look of absolute horror and elbowed him in the ribs, Richelieu seemed to be choking. 

"I sincerely apologize for my disrespectful actions," Athos said flatly. 

"We weren't even impersonating His Eminence!" Treville cried, somone had to dig them out of the hole Athos had tossed them into. 

"And who, pray, were you impersonating?" Richelieu asked. 

"The Cardinal of Spain...Roger," Treville said quietly. The king smiled, as did Richelieu. 

"Anyone who makes fun of Spain is alright in my book, though you may want to add a name," the king said with a grin. They all turned to leave when a hand caught his arm. Richelieu was staring at him. 

"The Cardinal of Spain is Scipione, though good try. And my ass is not that flat," he said sweetly. He then waltzed out of the room. Looking at his back, Treville had to agree with him. 


	6. Raise Thy Funds (Rule 12)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Musketeers have to engage in their annual fundraising.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, another chapter!

Treville sighed and looked at the man in front of him. "I just don't know what to do, Cornet! We have to hold our yearly event to raise funds for the garrison, and I'm not sure of any ideas! We usually just have Thierry take commissions for a day, but he's sworn off smithing since Aramis 'assisted' him last year!" Treville groaned.

"Oh yeah, he ever get over the burns?" Cornet asked.

"Yes, how on earth Aramis stuck a sword up his arse and he  _lived_ I'm not sure I want to know," Treville sighed. Cornet winced, the look on the physician's face when they'd gotten him was slightly memorable. Suddenly, an idea bloomed in his mind. 

"Captain, I've got an idea! Can I have Aramis for the day, I'll need some help," Cornet asked. Treville nodded and the man ran off. Treville only hoped it wasn't like the oil idea. The explanation to the king had been a nightmare-and-a-half. When the day of the event was to take place, all the Musketeers were called outside. The Musketeers that were to have duty that day were huddled in a nervous group off to the side of the stage. A large group of people were gathered in front of the stage, though there seemed to be a large amount of women. The Musketeers were all lined up on stage and Cornet and Aramis came to the front of the stage. 

"Alright ladies and gentlemen, we all know why we're here. This first one is a bit of a stoic, but he's got a good heart and beautiful eyes! Who wants to start for Athos?" Aramis called. Wait. What? Oh God. They were dead men. Treville was going to murder them both. Repeatedly. If Athos didn't get to them first. 

"I had no part in this!" he yelled. The bidding continued. "I am being sold against my will! Aramis, this isn't funny!" Athos screamed. The man tried to make a break for it, but didn't get far, as Cornet was right there. An old woman won the bidding. Poor man. 

"Now remember, ownership is done at sunset! Just send him back when you're done!" Aramis called. A red-faced Athos held out his arm and escorted the woman out of the garrison. Porthos was sold to a brace of young women, and they went off in a giggling huddle. Treville knew that  _that_ little group probably wouldn't be done until morning. Then it was his turn. Oh yes, he was going to murder them both. 

"What is your occupation?" Aramis asked. Treville gave him a flat stare. "Fine, what's your favorite hobby?" Aramis asked. 

"Cleaning up after you idiots," Treville deadpanned. Aramis had the audacity to stick his tongue out at him.

"Don't worry Captain, we'll take care of the garrison!" Aramis called. Treville was sold to blacksmith and got to assist him until sunset. The man was kind and paid him, but Treville was more tired than he'd been for years. When he got back, he found that the building was still standing and no dead bodies were on the premises. When he marched up to Cornet and Aramis, the man shot Cornet a look. "You were right, we should have caught the stray cats and sold them," Aramis mused. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	7. The Big Christmas Party of '26 (Rules 1, 7, 8, and 20)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big Musketeer Christmas party of 1624...which was conveniently outlawed after it's occurrence. Featuring strip poker, attempted flight, Christmas fairies, booze, and an epidemic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the wait, hope it's worth it!

The snow was lightly falling in the garrison courtyard, but that did not deter the Musketeer Christmas Eve Party from occurring. Due to the fact that they would have to watch the king get drunk and gorge himself tomorrow, it was tradition for a celebration to be had the day before Christmas Eve. A huge bonfire was roaring in the yard, and Musketeers began to drift in. With a smile, Serge slammed a barrel down in front of the tables. "Oh lads, you're in for a treat!" Cornet crowed as he filled up four mugs to the brim, "Serge's home brew!" Aramis choked as burning liquid shot down his throat and into his stomach, when Cornet slapped him on the back and howled with laughter. 

"What cough* the hell cough* is in that stuff!" Aramis wheezed. Athos was sipping it inquisitively, while Porthos was chugging it like it was warm milk. 

"Serge's special, don't ask," Cornet said with a smile, "Now let's eat, drink, and party!" The celebration went into full swing, though Treville retired early. Four cups of the drink later, Aramis was drunker than he'd ever been. Athos was staring at his cup in a feat of self-control, while Porthos and Cornet were in the beginnings of a raucous drinking game. "This is fun," Athos slurred.

"But it isn't the spirit of Christmas!" Aramis protested. Porthos looked at him blearily over the rim of his cup. 

"Wha?" he asked.

"We haven't done anything for anyone!" Aramis cried.

"Too late," Cornet grunted.

"No it isn't!" Aramis chirped, looking at the barrels of drink still lying untapped. In five minutes, the Musketeers were gathered in force. "It's like we're all Christmas fairies!" Aramis squealed. 

"No," Athos protested at his non-responsive cup. With a roll of his eyes, Aramis shoved a barrel into his arms and got him up.

"Now remember, every tavern!" Aramis cried. The men set off on their respective tasks, and soon enough everyone was collected back at the garrison. However, Porthos returned with a giggling huddle.

"Oi, Madame Angel wishes us a merry Christmas!" he boomed. The barrels were reopened, and the party began once more. It was all a blur from there. Aramis was the first to succumb. The women had long ago went with the men they snagged, and Porthos and Cornet were down below the balcony. "Shouldn't we stop 'im?" Porthos slurred. 

"Probably," Cornet sighed, "Aramis, get your drunk arse down from there!"

"No, I'm telling you, the blue cloak is going to make me fly!" Aramis protested.

"You're loony, come down!" Porthos cried. Aramis raised a questioning foot and swung it out.

"Come down now!" Cornet commanded.

"'Kay!" Aramis chirped. With that, the first attempted flight with the blue cloak of the Musketeers was attempted. "Ouch," Aramis moaned from the miraculously convenient pile of hay. Porthos was checking him over and cuffed him about the head.

"Just bruises, go 'ome you dolt!" he huffed. Murmuring to himself, Aramis braved the stairs to his room and closed the door. Athos was unconscious at the table, snoring heavily, and Porthos and Cornet deposited him in his bed. Back down in the yard, they stared at one another. "Wanna play cards?" he asked. 

"Don't have money," Cornet sighed sadly. 

"We could always play for clothes," Porthos mused. 

"Clothes?" Cornet asked. 

"Aye, we did it in the Court for fun, when there wasn't coin," he said with a small smile. 

"I'm game," Cornet grunted. 

\---

Treville stretched and yawned. With a cautious air, he slipped on his boots, time to see what the damage was. With a groan, he ventured outside. There were men passed out in various poses around the yard, and he saw two them awake. He also realized with a jolt that they were both starkers. With a groan, he clomped down the stairs and watched the two men at their game. Cornet and Porthos were completely starkers and staring intently at one another. 

"Why are you naked?" Treville asked quietly. 

"Last one clothed wins," Porthos slurred determinedly. 

"But you're both naked," Treville stated with confusion. God he hated his life. Both men looked down and contemplated their state of dress. 

"You were naked first!" Porthos determined.

"No you were!" Cornet grunted. 

"Where are Aramis and Athos?" Treville tried to divert. 

"Aramis tried ta fly and Athos drunk himself to sleep," Porthos grunted. Treville paled. 

"Aramis  _tried_ to fly? And please tell me Serge didn't serve his drink," Treville breathed. 

"Did, we were Christmas fairies," Porthos grunted, "And you were naked first!"

"And you're a liar!" Cornet roared. He tackled Porthos, and the two began a distasteful version of nude wrestling across the yard. Just then, a Red Guard came sprinting into the yard. 

"What is it?" Treville barked, praying that he didn't notice the drunken idiots still wrestling in the yard. 

"They're mad, all of them!" the guard cried dramatically. Just then, Serge appeared at his shoulder. 

"Captain," he whispered, "I got it wrong." 

"Got what wrong?" Treville hissed. 

"The drink, I put too much alcohol in it," he whispered. Treville gulped, but then, the Red Guard ran forward. 

"It's madness, they're all mad!" he cried. 

"Who's mad?" Treville barked.

"Everyone! They said the Musketeer fairies visited the taverns in the night, and now everyone's out on the streets! It's madness!" he screamed. 

"Aramis! Athos! Porthos!" Treville screamed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh poor Treville! Thanks for reading and make sure to let me know what you thought!


	8. Fire, Fire, Burning Bright (Rule 4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys continue with their training.

Aramis scrambled into line as Cornet clomped down the stairs. "Well," he sighed, "Treville said you didn't pass the evasion test yesterday, so until I think up a new one, we're gonna do fire starting."

"But I've started a fire before," Athos said with confusion.

"Well, this is a test. You have to start five fires with different things, don't care what they are," Cornet said, "You have until the end of the day to show me all five of them." With that, he sat himself down at the tables and waited to be surprised. The three gathered themselves together.

"I know an easy one for the first!" Aramis whispered. They all looked at him and followed him when he led them into the stables. 

"Ummm...you sure we should be doin' it in here? I mean, we could use the hay, but I don't think it's a good idea to do it in the stables," Porthos said quietly. 

"It's fine, we'll be careful, besides, we've all made fires before!" Aramis said nonchalantly. Athos raised his eyebrows at Porthos, but neither man said anything. Aramis easily made the straw catch light, but unfortunately, they neglected the other piles of straw that were very near the fire. A spark jumped from the flames, and then the floor began to catch alight. 

"Damn," Porthos whispered. 

"Get some water!" Athos bellowed. With that, Aramis dove for a cloth and Porthos began to unhitch the two horses that were in the nearly-empty stable. They were made to run into the small corral outside, and he tried to help Athos and Aramis with the flames. However, they were too wide-spread. 

"Abandon ship?" Aramis asked quietly. 

"I agree," Athos panted. Wtih that, they burst out of the stables and ran towards the table where Cornet sat. 

"First one, it's about time," Cornet grunted. 

"Fire, fire!!" Aramis screamed. Just then, Cornet turned towards the smoking stables. 

"Shit!!" he roared. With that, every Musketeer in the yard rushed to battle the smoking inferno. 

\---

His office, his poor, poor office. He would have to paint the walls and replace a goodly amount of equipment. However, it had been an excuse not answer any of the Cardinal's passive-aggressive missives that they seemed to both loath and love at the same time, and there weren't any comtes whining about small problems again. Just then, he heard cries from the yard below. What now?! He braced himself and walked out of his office. What he saw was a blazing stable and men scrambling to put out the flames. With a groan, he slammed his head into the balcony. 

\---

As they watch the stable burn, Cornet came up and slung his arms around his shoulders. "Well lads, Treville will probably kill you, but die with the knowledge that you are the first recruits to set fire to the garrison twice in two days," Cornet said with a small smile. 

Five years later, Treville would have said that that fact should have been a sign to turn back then. 


	9. Way Out Under the Big Blue Sky (Rules 9 and 10)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys undergo their wilderness training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG thank you so so much everyone! 100 kudos, 14 bookmarks, and almost 2k views from something that was supposed to be a one-shot! I am astounded, thank you so much to everyone who's left kudos, bookmarked, or subscribed!Cornet

With a groan, Aramis flung himself from his horse dramatically. It had been seven days since their first day, and Cornet had taken them out to the woods around Paris for their survival training. Evasion training had not yet progressed, so they had entered the yard this morning to find Cornet with four ready horses. They had set out immediately, wolfing down a quick breakfast and setting out before the sun had fully risen. All of them were sore and weary before finally finding themselves in a clearing with a merry brook and surrounded by trees. "This is nice," Aramis observed. 

"Get some rest lads, trainin' begins tomorrow," Cornet said with a small smile. They spread out their bedrolls and slept under the night sky that night, though not before passing a bottle of wine back and forth. When they rose the next day, they ate some bread and some cheese, and Cornet motioned Athos forward. "Alright lad, put all your weapons, hidden or otherwise, over there," he instructed with a somewhat feral smile. Athos did as bid, dropping his belt and pulling a few knives from his boots. "Alright, now we're gonna run through a scenario. You're unarmed, and I'm an armed bandit. Now, fight me!" Cornet cried, rushing at Athos with his sword. Athos immediately dropped and rolled, and he looked around feverishly for any kind of weapon. He threw his arm back, and it felt the hardness of leather. He grasped it and and swung it up with a bellowing cry. Cornet's pauldron smacked him on the arm with a whoosh, and the man gave a small grunt. Athos looked down at the pauldron mournfully, seeing the crack running along the top of the device. Cornet stared at Athos, completely unfazed by the smack to the arm.  Cornet raised his eyebrows and looked down at the irritated Athos. "Really?" he asked, "That huge branch was just out of reach!" Athos looked behind him to see a very large branch nestled just past where he had been. 

"Good try Athos!" Porthos tried to encourage. 

"C'mon," Cornet grunted, "Let's do the other scenario." He took them to a small pond that was nearby and looked at the three young men. "Athos, go get in the water," Cornet instructed. With a few choice grumbles, Athos stripped off his doublet and boots, and proceeded out into the middle of the pond. There, the water was about waist deep. "Alright Porthos, you're ridin' along, and you see somebody drowin'. What do you do?" he asked. He shot a heavy gaze towards Athos, and the man sighed. 

"Help," he said flatly, "I am drowning and fear for my life." Cornet rolled his eyes and gestured at Porthos to do something. 

"Alright, there's not any rope, and you 'ave to rescue him, what do you use?" he asked. With a triumphant yell, Porthos grasped Aramis' hat and sent it flying into the water. It smacked Athos in the face and knocked him over, only to have him come up spluttering a few moments later. 

"You don't use that," Cornet sighed with his head in his hands. 

"I could if I punched a hole in the top of the hat and threaded rope through it!" Porthos contradicted. 

"But there isn't any rope," Aramis replied. 

"Oh yeah," Porthos mumbled. 

"A-Alright lads, let's get some sparring in, and then I'll try to see if we can salvage this mission," Cornet sighed, obviously done in. They trained for a few hours before going to bed. When Aramis woke up the next morning, it was distinctly breezy. Looking confusedly at his bedroll, he was astounded to only find empty air. He looked around and saw that there was nothing left, no cam, and no cornet. There was a small piece of parchment stuck to a stick, which was pounded into the ground, and Aramis blearily staggered towards it. 

_Lads,_

_Considering that you three are idiots when it comes to scenario training, I've decided to let you off the hook. Enjoy, and I'll see you in Paris in three days._

_Captain Cornet_

Three days later*

Cornet was sipping some lovely wine, going over the duty roster with Treville, when his intrepid trio staggered into the garrison. Athos had branches and leaves stuck in his hair, while Porthos was covered from head to toe in mud. Aramis was soaking wet, and all three were filthy. 

"Lads, what did ya do, run into a mud pit?" Cornet gasped, aghast. Aramis threw himself on the bench and slammed his head onto the table.

"I hate camping," he moaned.

"Well, in consolation, ya pass," Cornet whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


	10. Only You Can Prevent Mass Hysteria (Rule 5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cornet finally comes up with the solution to their evasion training problem.

"So we finally get our evasion training?" Aramis asked excitedly. 

"Aye. Smokey is gonna help us," Cornet said with a grin. 

"Smokey?" Athos asked. 

"You'll see, we have 'im in the woods about three miles out," Cornet said. They mounted their horses, and they soon arrived at the woods about three miles from the garrison. Once there, Cornet ordered them to strip off their doublets and soon they were donning shirts that smelled rancid, much like raw meat. Cornet blindfolded each of them, declaring that the training was supposed to be a surprise. They descended some form of ladder, and soon found themselves in a cool spot. "Alright lads, blindfolds off!" Cornet cried. They each untied their blindfolds and gasped in shock as they saw the animal that was sleeping in the corner. It was brown and furry, and at least two hundred stone! Aramis' shrill scream stirred the beast to awakening, and the beast slowly stirred. 

"What the hell is this thing?" Aramis shrieked. 

"Its from the Americas, they call 'em bears! This is Smokey, bought 'im off an explorer with the training money!" Cornet called as he pulled the ladder up to him. The bear was now fully awake and looking at them hungrily. With a gulp, Aramis realized that they were wearing shirts soaked in meat. 

"Do something!" Porthos howled. The bear gave a roar, and charged forward. They scattered, but soon found themselves in a huddle once again. The bear growled and Porthos suddenly had an idea. "Aramis, on my shoulders! The pit's not that deep, we'll pull each other up!" he cried. Soon enough, Athos and Aramis pulled Porthos up from the pit. They lay in a panting pile, and started when they heard the applause. 

"Well done lads, well done!" Cornet cried. Their victory was cut short when two paws suddenly appeared at the edge of the pit. 

"Oh shit," Aramis squeaked. 

"Uh...." Porthos stuttered. The bear, in its magnificent deadly cuteness, hauled itself up and licked its lips. 

"Run!" Athos screamed, completely forgetting about the shirts. They made it to the garrison, only having a few large-scale panic attacks on the way. Cornet took the steps to Treville's office two at a time, and led a protesting captain down to the yard. 

"What is this?" he demanded. 

"We have to call everyone, everyone!" Cornet panted. 

"What are you going on about?" Treville demanded. 

"I-I bought a bear from a merchant to use in evasion training," Cornet gasped out. 

"What the hell's a bear?" Treville asked. Cornet gave an accurate description of Smokey. "And why does this concern me?" Treville asked with a sense of hysterical calmness. Cornet depicted the events of today's training, and Treville stared at them. "Are you saying you spent funds without my consent?" Treville asked slowly. 

"Yes," Cornet stated. 

"And you used said funds to buy a two hundred stone death animal?" Treville demanded.

"Yes," Cornet stated. 

"That you did not properly contain?" Treville asked. 

"Yes," Cornet stated. 

"And that is now loose on the streets of Paris?" Treville asked with panicked calmness. 

"This is an emergency, everyone down to the yard now!" Treville screamed. 

"Don't worry Captain," Cornet sighed, "We'll just follow the bodies." Treville whimpered. 


	11. Athos' Week Off...and Treville's Week Through Hell (Rules 2, 14, 15, 16, 17, and 19)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Athos is a grumpy, roof-napping ninja.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the person who thought that Rules 15 and 16 would be good combined! A new chapter for you guys! Warning for some mild sexual content, but nothing horrible.

Treville looked up at Athos expectantly, waiting for the effusion of glee that usually accompanied leave. Athos looked like was he was sucking on a lemon. "You do realize that a week's leave is mandatory every year?" Treville asked tentatively, perhaps the recruit thought he was favoring him. 

"And you can't forget about it?" Athos fairly pleaded. 

"Wha-no!" Treville said with a dash of indignation for good measure, "Athos this is the preservation of your sanity we're talking about here, so believe me when I say that you are  _not_ to use this time to get drunk of your arse in your apartment!" Athos pouted even more.

"Fine," he mumbled, and then he left. Treville shook his head, his men were a strange lot, that was true. 

As Athos walked down the stairs, a grey cloud of misery settled about him. What was he supposed to do for a week if not work, or get drunk, or do both?! Athos was not happy, not happy at all. But who was the captain to say what he could and could not do? He would get drunk if he liked! And maybe, maybe the captain could rue the day that he ever though of placing Athos on leave for Athos' sanity. Yes, that was what he would do. Let the week of vengeance and wine and antics begin! But, he would need a base of operations where he could be comfortable, but also not have to go a long distance. 

Day One* 

Athos spread his thickest blanket out onto the roof and straightened it. His crate of wine was set carefully beside him, and he looked over his camp with a degree of smugness. His favorite bakery was close by, as was the market, so that was good for a week. Strangely, this particular section of the roof was invisible from all viewpoints, so was the perfect place to camp. He grabbed a bottle of wine and crawled to the edge of the roof and prepared for the show, a smirk on his lips. He watched as Aramis went to inventory the pistols, only to come out howling that all of the triggers were missing. Treville staggered out of his office, his face red as a beat. Good then, Treville had received Athos' letter containing specific...romantic notions towards the captain...complete with drawings. 

Day Two* 

Treville yawned as he leaned on the balcony. He hadn't slept a wink last night, not after the "Garrison Creeper", as Porthos had growled after he'd read the lewd note, had left the note on his desk. He walked down into the yard, perhaps some of Serge's coffee would do him good, when he heard a lewd moan from under the arch. Turning sharply, he gasped. There, under the arch, were Porthos and Aramis. Aramis was pressed up against the wall, with Porthos fairly devouring his mouth. 

"What are you doing?!" he did  _not_ squeak. Porthos pulled away and Aramis cleared his throat shyly. Porthos pointed to a small plant above the archway. 

"Sorry, 'Mis said it's tradition," Porthos mumbled, "Guess we got a little carried away." The innocent sprig of mistletoe waved in the wind, and Treville growled. He would find that fucking creeper, come hell or high water. 

Day Three*

The man stared at him with eyes, and Athos smiled innocently at him. 

"Do ya really mean it?" he choked out. 

"Of course! Forty winters and still a virgin, I'm doing her a favor really," Athos tsked, "And you've taken all of my money."

"Alrigh'," the man said slowly. Athos grinned at his obviously losing hand and laid it down. An hour later, he watched as the lucky, or not so lucky, man eased the door to Treville's office open with a bouquet of roses. 

"Mademoiselle?" he whispered shyly. A minute later, there was a brace of screams, and then a blur thundered down the stairs, yelling about mistaken addresses. Athos gripped his bottle and tipped its contents into his mouth. 

Day Three*

Athos watched as the Musketeers gathered around the roster of duties. 

"Nude wrestlin'?" Porthos said in confusion. 

"What's that mean?" Aramis asked. 

"What it says I guess," Cornet grunted, "Alright lads, strip off!" Five minutes later, thirty naked Musketeers were lounging around as Porthos and Aramis wrestled. This was not going well, they were supposed to be shy about it, and Treville wasn't even there! However, a shrill scream resounded throughout the garrison, and Athos almost dropped his bottle onto Cornet's head. He looked up in horror as the king's piping tones filtered through the garrison, and Treville was swearing vociferously. Cornet appeared to be waving the duty roster at the duo. Athos had completely forgotten the king's tour was today. 

Day Four*

Angry tones filtered through Treville's office as he stirred from his sleep. He rolled his eyes, could he get no rest?! He reached down for his boots, only to find them gone. With a growl, he banged open the door, only to find thirty yelling Musketeers, all clad in their socks and pointing fingers, round the yard. 

Day Five*

Treville came out of his office to find chaos. There appeared to be a man screaming at Cornet, and Cornet was really trying not to scream back. 

"And I tell  _you_ sir, that we rented this space for ten days so that we could stay for Easter services! Now, you will vacate our property!" the man yelled. 

"An' I tell  _you_ that this is the  _Musketeer garrison_!" Cornet bellowed. Treville's head took in at least thirty people of different ages with numerous colorful wagons parked outside the garrison, a fucking caravan then. Treville would find that fucking creeper, if it was the last thing he did!   The Cardinal was so ecstatic that he turned purple when thirty merchants, along with their wagons, were found camped on the lawns of the Palais de Cardinal. 

Day 6* 

Porthos and Aramis stood at strict attention outside the garrison. This was their first time on guard duty, and the captain had given them specific instructions to watch for the creeper, so they were determined to fulfill their mission. Porthos searched the streets once more, only to find them empty. He rolled his eyes, guard duty was somewhat boring. Just then, there was a clatter from the roof, and Porthos whirled around. With large eyes, he watched as a figure began walking along the roof. He gave a strangled gasp and smacked Aramis on the arm. The man protested slightly, but then his eyes widened in understanding. 

"Stop there intruder!" he bellowed, and Porthos hefted his musket. There was a loud boom, and the figure staggered and fell into the hay as it tumbled off the roof. Aramis gave a strangled cry as he beheld the intruder. 

Day Unknown*

Athos opened his eyes with a moan. Treville was staring down at him, a bright smile on his face, while Porthos and Aramis were glaring at him murderously. 

"Hello creeper," Treville greeted with murderous sweetness. 

"I mooned the king, the fucking king!" Porthos growled. 

"I had to replace the triggers Athos. All the triggers," Aramis purred. 

"And the boots in the water barrel, that was cruel, that was," Porthos said with a shake of his head. 

"There is a perfectly justifiable explanation for all this," Athos said with a hint of hysteria. Treville raised his eyebrows. "Fine," Athos mumbled, knowing that he was utterly beaten. 

"Considered yourself on leave for two more weeks, as you seem to enjoy it so much. The leave will be conducted here. In this room. For all of the two weeks," Treville fairly purred. He shut the door on Athos' vociferous swearing. 


	12. Author's Note

Hey guys, sorry for the interruption, but I just wanted to post some great news:) Due to the popularity of this story, and the fact that we only have three more chapters until the end, I'm going to announce a sequel! However, this story will be a little different from this one. 

Firstly, this story will deal with incidents during d'Artagnan's training:) Also, I'm not going to write as many rules for this one. There may be one or two that are by my own submission, but the bulk of the rules will not come from me. The great news for you guys is that the bulk of the rules will come from submissions! Go ahead and post your submission or submissions in the comment section, and I'll put them in the first chapter. You guys can give me as many rules as you like, and I'll fill them. As to order, that will be random, depending on which rule my muse plans out first. But fear not! All rules shall be filled, though updates will probably be a little more sporadic, as I'm off to uni in two weeks. I'll try and get this story done by then, that way I can start in on the sequel. 

You guys are officially wonderful and awesome and I cannot believe that massive amounts of support for this story! Thank you so much for all the support and suggestions, you are all amazing! 

Sincerely,

~Elvesliketrees~


	13. Raise Thy Funds Once More (Rule 11)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aramis' second fundraising experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, greetings from uni! I'm sorry for the late post *bangs head on college-distributed desk*, I hope you guys enjoy! I wanted to do a little something different with this chapter, let me know what you think:)

Aramis and the other Musketeers settled down into the booth and stopped. The line was past the street corner. The street corner had five houses in between it and the garrison. Treville leveled him a dirty look, and Aramis shifted in his seat. Porthos clapped him on the shoulder with a grin. At least someone was bound to enjoy themselves. Aramis died inwardly and flipped the sign. "Kissing-stall" was painted in bright letters above the booth and the line chattered excitedly. "Captain?" he rasped. 

"Yes Aramis?" Treville said with a slight hint of hysteria. 

"Remind me never to allow the fundraising ideas to be decided over bets on a drinking game, even if Athos looks like a lightweight?" Aramis whispered. 

"Oh believe me, I'll remind you," Treville said sweetly. 

"And Captain?" Aramis asked. 

"Yes Aramis?"

"Remind me to kill Athos when he gets back from palace duty."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to leave the ending kind of open, because I'm evil:) Thanks for reading and let me know what you think!


	14. The Origins of Surfing (Rule #18)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys and Cornet get drunk and a bet is placed with...interesting results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry guys! Uni was absolute chaos this semester, I really didn't have time for much! Here's out last chapter, and I'll try to start the second book sometime this week. Thanks for reading guys, it's been a great journey!

Athos stared stupidly as a drunk Cornet began to mount Belle. He swayed in seat as the man began to slur curses, and he knew that the fifth cup of wine had been a really bad idea. Aramis was slurring encouragement at him while Porthos looked like he was about to fall over. The man mounted the horses and slowly stood on it. All seemed to be going well, and then there was a thud from one of the rooms followed by loud cursing. Belle jolted, and Cornet ended up in a heap on the ground, slurring and grasping his leg. "Get the medic, I think it's broken!" he slurred. Athos stumbled to the apothecary and somehow slurred out his request. When Treville came down the next morning, the lecture was spectacular, even for him. 

"And how is Cornet going to lead the team to deliver the letters?!" Treville demanded. 

"The letters?" Aramis asked. 

"Yes you idiots, the letters that the king wrote, acting out of the Cardinal's influence for the first time in his goddamned life!" Treville yelled. 

"Oh," Porthos squeaked. 

"Yes oh!" Treville barked, "The team will have to go without him now!"

\---

It was five days later and the men had not returned, and Cornet was still laid up with a broken leg. He was sitting, trying to relax and drink some wine. He was watching Athos and Aramis spar, delivering some perfectly accurate commentary. Their loud sparring (they were NOT antics Jean de Treville!) was at its height when a young lad flounced into the yard and challenged Athos to a duel. Cornet thought this was amusing until he actually drew sword. 

\---

d'Artagnan was winning (he really was!) when there was a click from a place nearby. He watched as a Musketeers with a broken leg leveled a pistol at him. 

"Boy, either you put that weapon down or I'll shoot your stupid arse to next Christmas," the man growled. d'Artagnan put the gun down. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know, cannon is down! However, I wanted to go to for a lighter feel in this fic, and I don't think the angst-fest I had going for this chapter (them realizing Cornet was dead), was really in line for this one! Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think? Thanks so much for reading, I would love to read your thoughts! Any additions you think might be good, please let me know.


End file.
